From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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