alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
