How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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