Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize