I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
