I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
