I can feel you judging me through the phone.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize