quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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