The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I can text with my tongue
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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