If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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