Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize