She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
