i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
