You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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