I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I still have a little drunk in my system
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
