I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
