I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
