9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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