i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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