He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
