someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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