I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
