sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
