Old men and throwing up are my life now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
