the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
