they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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