he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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