so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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