i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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