The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
