i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
