I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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