so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize