Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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