I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
