I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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