Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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