just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
