People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
