Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dicks are not precious.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
