I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
