so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
