Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
