i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
