Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
