We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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