i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
50% drunk capacity currently
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
