if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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