I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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