There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
