Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
whose ass print is on the piano?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
