I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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