someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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