i may or may not be watching the land before time
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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