I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
birth control should be required to get into college
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
