i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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