remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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