then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
