You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
