Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
