yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
