So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You ruined the universe
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
