your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
