You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
