Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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