im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I AM VODKA MAN
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
