Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
