My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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