glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
