you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
