I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
